The next life of Woody Allen

My next life

by Woody Allen


In my next life
I want to live my life backwards.
You start out dead
and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old people's home
feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy,
go collect your pension,
and then, when you start work,
you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.
You work for 40 years
until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous,
then you are ready for high school.
You then go to primary school,
you become a kid,
you play.
You have no responsibilities, you become a baby
until you are born.
And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap,
larger quarters every day and then Voilà!
You finish off as an orgasm!